Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Sucker

I'm a sucker for songs that remind me of pain. Songs I can't sing and songs I can't write. Songs that remind me of my youth, of how it felt like to be free and young and reckless. Songs that make me groove even if I'm dancing alone in the dance floor.

I'm a sucker for junk food. Junk for the stomach. For the brain. For the soul. For the heart. To store on top of your fridge though you don't eat any them during the day and sneak them out at midnight. I'm a sucker for fat. Of chubby men that remind me that it's fine to be imperfect. Of stocky men who can hug you through a cold night. Of strong men to be your pillar when you're too tired to fight.

I'm a sucker for books I can't read. For glossy magazines I refuse to buy. For concerts I don't watch. For sports I can't appreciate. For fights I dreamt of starting. For arguments I can't win. I'm a sucker for envy. To the people who thought of bright ideas first. To the winners of competitions I've been losing. To the bastards who are luckier. To the people who are happier. To the misfits who did better.

I'm a sucker for unfamiliar places. Where I can get lost and find myself back again. Where strangers become friends and friends, distant strangers. Where nobody cares. Where food and water make me sick. Where poverty is perceived differently.

I'm a sucker for memories even if I don't remember most of them. To only vividly remember how it felt.   How it changed you worse than what you were yesterday. How it made you wake up each morning thanking you're still breathing. How infinite happiness becomes when you let go of the 'was'.

I'm a sucker for love and all its complications. For a love that nobody understands. For a love that is not returned. For a love I don't deserve.
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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Pagbabagong-Anyo Ng Hindi Bago

Lagi mong hinihintay ang pagbubuo ng bilog na buwan nguni't sa tuwing lumalabas ka para silipin ito, kalahating bilog lang ang naglalayag sa malapad na espasyong pinaglalaruan ng mga pinagmumulan ng liwanag na naaabot ng tanaw, hindi ng kamay.

Bilog kasi ang buwan noong huli kayong magkita. Hindi mo na maalala ang pinag-usapan ninyo, ang dahilan ng malulutong ninyong tawanan.  Ang totoo niyan, ang tanging naaalala mo lang ay ang alingasngas na naramdaman mo habang kasama siya, pinipilit ang sarili na tawanan ang mga hirit niya at nagbabakasaling bumuka ang langit sa mga sandaling iyon para magbuhos ng limpak-limpak na pangungusap na bibenta sa'yo. Bakit nga kaya siya ang pinili mong gustuhin?

Hindi naman kayang sagutin ng buwan ang lahat ng tanong mo. Nariyan lang siya para bigyang liwanag ang daan sa tuwing umuuwi kang pumapatak ang luha dahil nalaman mong may bago na naman siyang boypren. O samahan kang magmasid sa pinakamalayong bahagi ng maingay na dagat sa tuwing nakikinig ka sa hagulhol niya dahil may lalaki na namang nadagdag sa listahan ng mga nang-iwan sa kanya. Bakit nga ba ikaw ang pinipili niyang sumbungan?

Ikaw ang tagabigay, siya ang tagatanggap. Siya ang nagsasalita, ikaw ang nakikinig. Siya ang hindi mapakali, ikaw ang nakalatag. Ikaw ang nagmamasid, siya ang hindi lumilingon. Dalawa kayong naghahanap pero hindi kayo pwedeng magtagpo.

Bakit nga kaya siya ang pinili mong gustuhin? Takot ka man, sinagot mo ang sarili mo. Bakit nga ba ikaw ang pinipili niyang sumbungan? Takot man siya, sinagot niya ang sarili niya.

Hindi na nagpakita nang buo ang buwan pagkatapos noon. Siguro nga, natatapos ang mga bagay-bagay na hindi na kailangan pang pag-usapan. Sabay na lang kayong tumalikod at hindi na lumingon pagkatapos. Wala nang mahabang usapan, wala nang alaala na dumadaan sa kamalayan. Ang tanging natatandaan mo na lang ay ang pakiramdaman nu'ng sabay ninyong buuhin ang parte ninyo para sa isa'tisa nguni't kahit ito, tulad ng bilog na buwan, ay unti-unti na ring nawawala.

Lagi mong hinihintay ang pagbubuo ng bilog na buwan dahil alam mong wala namang pagmamahal na natatapos. Nagbabago lang ito ng anyo.
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Friday, January 11, 2013

Eat.Pray.Love. in 2012 Part 1

Last year had been a stellar traveling year for me. I decided to take a break from filmmaking in the Philippines, packed my backpack and travelled to well... work, eat, pray and almost love.

I didn't have much time to blog about my (mis)adventures and I do hope to find enough time to do it lest they get stale in my memory. Even the thousands of photos dating back 2010 are already rotting in my harddrive. Aside from working on the documentary "All You Need Is Love" (in Dubai and Bangkok), which is by the way still unfinished, I grabbed the opportunity to go to other countries and beyond. And 'beyond' means 8 countries!

I fell in love with Bangkok the first time I went there in 2011 with the lovely people, cheap and delicious food and a better infrastructure system than the Philippines so I came back during the last week of January.

At one of the temples in Wat Po, Bangkok, Thailand.
Then I travelled to Cambodia by land, first in Siem Reap to see the Angkor Wat for the first time and experience the eerie feeling of being in the mass graveyards of The Killing Fields in Phnom Penh.

Breathtaking sunset in Angkor Wat, Siem Reap, Cambodia.
 By February, I travelled for 12 hours to Ho Chi Minh City by bus to celebrate the Chinese New Year there.

New Year's greeting at the Flower Festival in Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam.
I went back to Thailand in March, to Mae Sot this time to shoot for "All You Need Is Love" and I met wonderful Burmese people there. 

"All You Need Is Love" Producers, Staff and Crew with the Burmese kids in Mae Sot, Thailand.
I thought of going to Myanmar after the shoot but decided not to pursue it and went to Laos instead.

In Vientianne, Laos.
By the 2nd Quarter of the year, my editing work for "All You Need Is Love" would take to the Middle East and back to my favorite city, an amazing adventure to Africa with my brother and discovering culture in Central Asia. More in Part 2 of this entry.

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